“One spring, your mother’s condition suddenly deteriorated, but Jinqing had been working overtime then, and almost didn’t make it to see your mother one last time…This, indeed, was a dereliction of duty on my part as her agent.” Fang Xie looked guilty: “You know the rest.”
……
The cemetery was located on the outskirts of the city, a place that was surrounded by mountains and rivers. Su Jishi specially chose a working day. Dressed in a plain shirt, she went to the cemetery in a low-key manner.
The location of this cemetery was excellent and costly, and Mother Su’s grave was located halfway up the hill, surrounded by a circle of evergreen pine trees. Her tombstone was not the common ‘stele’ type in China, but an open book skillfully built, implying that Mother Su was a teacher, who taught and nurtured people during her lifetime.
On the left side of the page, the name of Mother Su was engraved in dignified gold letters; while on the right side of the page, there were two names side by side.
—— Filial daughter, Su Jishi, pays respect.
—— Filial daughter, Su Jinqing, pays respect.<s
It had never occurred to Su Jishi that her sister had actually left a special place for her on their mother’s tombstone.
She came empty-handed and did not bring any offerings. She stood in front of the tombstone with her eyes downcast, struggling to recall memories from twenty years ago. However, she suddenly found that only a few fragmentary pieces of her mother’s memory remained.
This was the power of time.
Su Jishi found a stone bench and sat down, quietly organizing the thoughts that were churning in her mind.
The cold wind of early winter whistled past, and Su Jishi did not resist cursing (Ashan: “Ah-choo!”) and tremblingly fastened the zipper of her down jacket. Who on earth stipulated that female stars should not wear long trousers?
Suddenly, her hand touched a hard object in her pocket. She took it out and found that it was the phone belonging to her sister.
After turning on the phone, Su Jishi did not look at the lock screen and the two photos on the desktop, but quickly entered the system software and began to look for traces left by her sister one software at a time.
The phone didn’t have any third-party software installed; even communication apps such as QQ, WeChat and others weren’t added. The three software that Su Jinqing used the longest was the camera, the notepad, and the browser.
There were thousands of photos in the album, and Su Jishi quickly browsed through them. They were mostly pictures of her sister and mother. In addition, there were many screenshots of prescriptions, but unfortunately, Su Jishi couldn’t understand them.
In the browser, there was a special folder, containing information of famous medical experts. There were also some cancer support forums to help patients’ families share their experiences.
And the last one was the notepad.
Su Jishi had a hunch that what she was looking for must be within the notepad!
—— The diary was actually densely packed with hundreds of entries. Each entry was organized according to ascending time. Some were the insights of her trips, accompanying their mother to the doctor, but more of it was Su Jinqing’s diary!
Su Jishi immediately clicked on them in order.
[2015 x month x day]
I’m too tired. I can only sleep four or five hours a day, but still can not receive a serious notice. Today, I stood at a car show for fifteen hours. Before getting off work, a tourish smooch smooched me while we were taking a photo. I pushed him a little, and as a result, I got three days of wage deduction.
[2015 x month x day]
Day 8 of three treatments, the end of the third cycle. Mom said it didn’t feel as painful as the first chemo treatment two years ago. I knew she was lying to me; she didn’t want me to worry.
[2015 x month x day]
It’s the end of June. The chemo is getting less and less effective, and the white shots are causing mom a lot of pain every time it goes down.
[2016 x month x day]
Mom cried and said she didn’t want any more treatment. It was too painful, and she really couldn’t withstand it. None of us expected this relapse to be so aggressive. The doctor said it was necessary to use targeted drugs.
[2016 x month x day]
Money, money, money.
[2016 x month x day]
My mom has been thinking about my sister for so many years and would like to see her. But I really don’t know if I should tell her about Mom’s illness or not.
[2016 x month x day]
I called my sister a few times this week and couldn’t get through to her. Maybe it’s God’s will. She should be out in the field now. I wonder what starry sky she is under.
[2016 x month x day]
Sometimes I envy my sister. She is countless times stronger than me. Since I was a child, she has been my hero, my role model. I often think, if my mother had chosen my sister, would everything have been different? But I can only ponder such thoughts in my heart. Neither my mother nor my sister wants to hear it.
[2016 x month x day]
Can some things be discarded for the sake of money?
[2016 x month x day]
Mr. Mu is a noble man to me. One second before I got the contract, I was still ashamed of degrading myself; after reading the contract, I suspected that Mr. Mu came here to deliver warmth.
[2017 x month x day]
My fame caught me off guard, and I got scared. Was I really the person my fans thought I was?
[2017 x month x day]
I have too much work. Now I can’t even take a day a month to go to the hospital with Mom. But Mom said she was especially happy to see me on TV, so I have to take on more plays in order to let her see me more and more.
[2017 x month x day]
Another targeted drug has developed resistance.
[2017 x month x day]
Drug-resistant.
[2017 x month x day]
How many drug-resistant drugs are there now? Mom is about to lose her grip.
[2018 x month x day]
I’m about to lose my grip.
[2018 x month x day]
As if Mom had a premonition, she started knitting me a sweater two months ago. In fact, no one would wear such a big red sweater anymore, but Mom said she wanted to leave something for me. She knitted two scarves for me from her hospital bed. Unfortunately, the sweater was still one armpit short of being finished, and she could no longer hold the knitting needle.
[2018 x month x day]
Today before going on stage, my tears suddenly rolled out. I panicked and told Fang Xie that I must go back. Something must have happened to Mom. I must go back! I have to go back! No matter how much money I have to pay, I have to rush back!
Fang Xie was shocked, and come to think of it, it was the first time he had ever seen me yell.
… Fortunately, I made it in time.
[2018 x month x day]
I was always by Mom’s deathbed.
As far as I can remember, she has always been a very beautiful and gentle woman. She would help me and my sister braid our hair, make our dresses by hand, and teach us to sing and dance.
But she gradually turned into a person I couldn’t recognize in front of me. Her hair is gone; her skin has become so white; and her lymph is swollen beyond recognition. But I knew that she was my mother.
This disease is so painful that she’s either in a coma or screaming in pain. Every time she cries, I cry with her.
Mom…I want to trade my life for your time. I just hope your departure will come slower.
Maybe she had a dying flash. In her last moments, she actually opened her eyes and looked at me.
She seemed to feel no more pain and reverted to my gentle mother.
How long has it been since I’ve seen her smile?
The doctor said that I should talk to her more and not let her fall asleep.
So I spoke to her, “Mom, I’m home.”
Mom reached out her withered hand and touched my head and my face, telling me how much she loved me and that she had been thinking about me while I was away.
It was especially hard for me to hear her words. I had been trying to make money to cure her illness, always working day and night filming and posting announcements, but I forgot that being with her was the most important thing.
I did not dare to cry in front of her, for fear that she’d be sad, and could only keep smiling and talking with her a lot.
Later on, she got tired of talking.
Her voice got weaker and weaker, and the burst of light on her face started to fade.
She said, “My good daughter, ah, Mommy is tired and wants to sleep.”
I said, “Mom, go to sleep. I’ll watch over you.”
Then.
She closed her eyes and uttered her last words on earth.
She asked me.
“…Jishi, where is your sister?”
…It turned out that she thought I was Sister.
It turned out that all the thoughts she had just said were for Sister.
…Mom, I miss her as much as you do.
But the person who walked with you through the last part of your life was me.
Peek-Aboo 
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